Jumat, 30 Mei 2014

Some couples elope to get around impenetrable

Some couples elope to get around impenetrable blocks imposed for
any number of reasons by their parents to their being married to
each other where they live.

Other couples just decide to forgo a lot of the preparation, expense
and hassle of organizing their wedding with all the usual trappings
and have a quiet ceremony elsewhere.

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Most then come back and throw a celebration, inviting both families
and their friends.

That might take some of the steam out of the current situation but
they will probably find that their close relatives and many of their
friends will feel deeply hurt.

It could take some time and a lot of effort to restore the warmth
and trust that was previously between them.

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The best antidote, I’m told, to restore those former deep feelings of
affection and trust is a new grandchild.

Keep everything light-hearted and brief.
Keep any revelations about the bride or the groom private, to be
published in your memoirs, fifty years after your death.
Don’t drink alcohol before you speak.
Don’t laugh at your own jokes.

Don’t try to use that great joke you heard on television last night.
Your audience probably heard it too and may know the punch-line
better than you!

Each speaker should check with those who speak ahead of him or
her to ensure that they don’t use material which the earlier
speakers might have already used.

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Don’t bite the microphone, especially if other people will have to useit after you.
Don’t blow into it to check whether it’s working properly – the mark
of somebody that doesn’t know anything about microphones. Also,
you may get a bill for replacement of the microphone!

Otherwise, you can sell it privately

Otherwise, you can sell it privately.
Be sure to contact airlines or cruises and your accommodation if you had booked an overseas honeymoon.

Notify Your Guests: If the wedding date is just a couple of weeks away, email or phone people that don’t live close by.

Then, follow up with a short, printed note because some people
don’t read their emails regularly and emails sometimes just get lost.

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If a sympathetic and reliable family member offers to make some or all of the calls and send the emails for you, it will do much to reduce the load on your shoulders for at least a little while.

Repeat Newspaper advertisements: You should put a small
advertisement in any newspaper where you put an advertisement to
announce your engagement.

Presents: You must return them all. That will be a hassle and
expense but it is the right thing to do.

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Whether you return the engagement ring depends on you.
I would never throw in into a crusher but I know many of my friends
say that they would in those circumstances.

I’d rather sell it and use the proceeds to treat myself to a massage
or something else that would help to relieve the emotional pressure.
Don’t be surprised if you notice a change in your mother’s attitude
to you and life in general after your wedding.

It’s my theory that she feels some sort of loss even if you will both
be able and willing to stay in close contact.

There’s also the view which some believe that she sees your
transition from daughter to wife like her. (Relax, I don’t mean like
her in every way) as a signal of her advancing age.

But, I think she is focused on you and your happiness. Her only
concern could be the probably irrational one that she might not
have done all she could to help you make a success of your

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This won’t last because your mother will be drawn back to
concentrating on her other personal interests fairly quickly.
But, you can help by making sure that when an opportunity to be
with your mother for a bit of shopping or just a quiet chat at her
place or yours arises, you grab it and talk about what she wants to
talk about as much as you want to fill every minute with details of
your new life.

Demonstrate that you are still very interested in her as a person
and tell her she has been a wonderful mother for you.

After all, I know many people who passed up those opportunities
until it was too late and their mother was not around to hear their
words anymore.

Children at Your Wedding

Your Children

If either of you have children, you’ll want them to attend the
wedding and the reception.

You will also need to involve them in a meaningful way with the
preparation and put their name(s) on the invitation.

If your children are still getting to know his children, there may be
some unsettled tensions.

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You could include them in the ceremony but only after discussing it
with them and gauging their real attitude, not just accepting their
verbal agreement.

If the children are truly willing, arrange for them to be part of the
ceremony but never push.

It’s obviously important to be even-handed and a small but valuable
memento of the occasion for each child could help to smooth over
any remaining tensions in the following weeks.

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Other People’s Children

You may not want guests to bring their children to the wedding or
reception even though you will have yours there, of course. That
should be okay with any reasonable person and, especially your
friends and relatives.

But, don’t be surprised if you get some mule-headed pair either
staying away and giving that as their reason or bringing their own
children anyway.

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If they do bring children along, welcome them but tell the parents
that you hope they will still enjoy the function while keeping an eyeon their little Attila. It is not your responsibility.

If you decide to let guests bring their children, you’ll need to
provide them with some appropriate food, distractions like puzzles
or games, and entertainment or a couple of wranglers ….. I mean
child sitters.

Children love to be entertained and most good entertainers charge
fair fees but they probably will only attend for a set period. If that
fits your budget and program, it’s worth considering.

You might be able to hire or persuade a couple of reliable teenagers
to look after the children for the duration. See if you can get an
extra, smaller room at the venue for a small additional cost. It could
be well worth it to reduce stress and interruptions to your “main

Check with the parents about any allergies or other conditions which
you and the minders need to be aware of.

Things to Avoid or Provide Alternatives for

Spicy foods: Many people love a dash or more of hot spice with
their food but it’s likely to cause discomfort to some other guests.
So, have some less aggressive options for those who would prefer

Maybe, you could have these available in small dishes for the more adventurous eaters.

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Alcohol: You’ve probably seen the effects on an event and the
other guests where someone has had too much to drink. It is also a significant contributor to the road toll and other problems.
Make sure you offer non-alcoholic alternatives, fruit juices and
sodas for those who are driving and anyone else that prefers them
or wants to space out their alcoholic drinks.

Financing Your Big Day

Even if the bride’s parents are strict traditionalists and insist on
paying for the wedding, you will face significant expenses and need
to start setting up a realistic budget right at the start.
You need to decide together:

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? how much money you currently have which can be used for
starting your wedding fund ? how much you can manage to put aside without living on
beans and hamburger (you need to keep up your strength
and complexion), and ? what contributions you are certain to get from loving and
better-off relatives.

That’s all you can really count on and, of course, some urgent
expense or the non-arrival of a promised cash gift may require a
quick and significant change between now and the big day.
But, without the budget as a first step, you would know what you
could afford and that’s likely to bring disaster.

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Make sure that you stick within your budget unless there is some
unexpected development. Maybe you can think of ways to increase
the available amount?

Don’t want a Professional Master of Ceremonies?

You should try to find someone with some speaking experience or,
at least, someone that you know will prepare for the occasion.
There is no such thing as a great impromptu speech. A friend who is
a professional speaker said that the most valuable advice he ever
got was to practice everything, including his ad-libs (impromptu

If the professionals don’t risk making a real off-the-cuff joke, then
the risk of someone with much less experience seeing his joke fall
flat or, even worse, seriously offending a guest or group, you can
see that preparation is essential.

The other point to be aware of with an amateur MC is for them to
avoid making a speech themselves. They’re needed to provide a
smooth connection between the bride’s father, the groom and best
man (or whatever speakers you have) and help the audience to get
maximum enjoyment possible from each one.

All speakers need to rehearse their speeches. But, remind them that
they’re going to be among friends and you just want a few sincerewords from their heart, not a stunning piece of oratory.

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Your Caterer

You should do some investigating of your catering options before
settling on the caterer or venue. Some venues have in-house
catering which may give you a better price than if you hire a venue
and arrange an outside caterer who has to bring in their equipment,
staff and supplies, then pack up everything afterwards.

Of course, deciding to use a specialist caterer will give you a wider
range of food options and some may cost less than the in-house

Focus on the sort of food which you both like and also your families,
but be aware of the likely preferences of your guests, especially any
from different cultures and the elderly.

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This is an area where you are unlikely to get more than you pay for.
Catering is fiercely competitive and costs are steadily increasing.
The best recommendation is word of mouth from friends, colleagues
and people in other businesses you deal with. You could ask the
people that organize your office’s Christmas party or the people at
any other reasonable-sized business you deal with who caters for
their functions and what they like or don’t like about them.
You need to be sure that you won’t be let down on the day, so
inquire what provision the caterer has if there is a problem with the
number of their regular staff available for your event.

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Don’t just go for the caterer with the most eye-catching or largest
advertisement in your phone book. You might find out that eating
the Yellow Pages would have been better!

Don’t want a Professional Planner?

Don’t want a Professional Planner?

You can call on friends, colleagues and, especially, family to help
you with advice and also the leg-work involved in checking on
venues and suppliers.

Many people will also have contacts that may be able and willing to
supply some services for your wedding. At the very least, their
feedback about suppliers they have used could save you a lot of leg
work and time.


There are many commercial photographers to choose from when
looking for someone to take photos or a video of your wedding and
reception. It’s a very competitive market but price is just one
important factor you have to consider.

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You need to look past the specially chosen pictures that thephotographer puts on his brochure or website. The best idea is to ask to see a full set of proofs from one of the weddings which he

Ask for references and check through your own friends about their
recommendations. Be prepared for some horror stories and some
glowing testimonials.

Make sure that the photographer whose pictures you’ve seen is
actually the one who will be at your wedding. But, if it’s a one
person business, ensure that they have someone with similar
abilities who is able to step in if they are not available at short

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As with each of the other suppliers, you must expect to pay for any
additional services or features.

Make sure you have the cost for the whole package, including
albums, in writing before signing the contract. At that point, you are
legally committed and any additions or changes could be very

Most photographers will proudly display their membership
certificates for the appropriate professional associations. But, a
photographer may still produce work of a very high standard and
not be a member of any association. And, membership or even
having won awards, is no guarantee of a good result – check their
recent work.

Don’t expect “Hollywood” standard results. Those pictures are
produced by experts with a supporting team of qualified
professionals and in highly controlled environments. One picture
might take an hour to set up and then undergo significant
retouching later on.

Reserve accommodation for guests or confirm that they made their own arrangements

Reserve accommodation for guests or confirm that they made their
own arrangements. Make sure they understand whether you or they
are responsible for payment.

Start a list of gifts you get. This is much easier to do on your
computer than with paper and pen.

Print or write your thank you notes. Send them soon after the gift
arrives. Open and check that the gift has not suffered any damage in

Start filling in and submitting the necessary forms to get the bride’s
new name on her licenses and other official documentation.
Pack your honeymoon clothing. Keep in mind the strict airport
security regulations to minimize stress and delays.
Make sure that you have enough clothing and accessories for the
last week leading up to the wedding without the stuff you’ve packed
for the honeymoon.

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Confirm with your caterer, the exact number of guests that you will
have. They will also want to know about any special dietary
requirements or other important issues as early as possible.

Sort out where the guests will sit. Discuss this with your partner and
your parents. Arrange your appointments with the beautician and hairdresser. You

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might want to confirm appointments for the bridesmaids too.
Choose and buy the wedding ring(s). Store
them safely and make sure they’re delivered to
the wedding venue on the big day.
Confirm your suppliers are all on track about
two weeks before your wedding day.

Dollar Saving Decorations

If you and your friends are making some or all of your decorations, the two words to keep in mind are simple and strong. Then, if something is bent but not broken, it can probably be refurbished by willing but unskilled hands on the spot instead of having to be

Confetti is frowned on or completely banned at many venues
because it becomes unsightly and can require serious effort to
remove from clothing and the venues. Be sure to enquire before
providing it.

Some people provide small bags of rice or seeds. The birds in the
area would definitely be better off if you do not use rice. Use
birdseed and the birds will happily do most of the clearing away for

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Don’t be afraid to use quality fake plants for decorations, especially
when real ones are hard to get or simply too expensive.
Balloons are an easy and inexpensive decoration accessory. Buy
them in bulk packs rather than the small supermarket size for big

Match the colors to your theme. Get a couple of plastic pumps –
blowing them up by mouth can be exhausting and is now regarded
as unhygienic by Doctors.

Warning: balloons should never be given to small children who are
not well supervised and no-one should put a balloon near anyone’s face – there are people injured frequently, especially when a balloon breaks and a piece lodges in their eye. If a piece gets into a child’s hroat, it can be fatal.

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Dress up your simple and inexpensive decorations with a monogram
using the bride and groom’s names or initials.
Select the lettering and font on your word processor, choose a large
size and just print an outline on thin card. Then, cut out the letters
to make your stencil(s).

If you have a lot of items to decorate, put some adhesive plastic,
usually used to protect school book covers, over the cardboard
before you cut out your stencils so that they will last the whole job.
Also, make some extra stencils so that you have enough without
having to set up the computer again.

Inspiration can come from anywhere

Inspiration can come from anywhere. It can come from a dream, a song, a
TV advertisement, or other artists and photographers. Learn to keep your eyes
open and digest what you see. Photographers learn to view things differently,
such as light and shadows. We see unique angles that are naturally apparent.
Look out for interesting locations or unique props. When you watch television,
find the interesting visuals or styling. Following are a few good places or sources
of inspiration.

Keep a collection of images or tear sheets (pages pulled from magazines) that
inspire you. If you see a pose you really like in a magazine, tear out that page
for future reference. If you catch a glimpse of lighting you really like in an online
editorial, save that image to your desktop. I have hundreds of images saved for
inspiration. Whether inspired by a location, pose, concept, clothing, or something
else, I save these images for future use. I have a folder in my studio where
I keep the collection of magazine images I have torn out. I have several folders
on my computer where I save images I’ve found online, organized in a way that
indicates what about the image inspired me. If I’m looking for inspiration for
avant-garde makeup, I visit the Makeup folder. If I am looking for a different
lighting scheme, I visit the Lighting folder.

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These tear sheets are invaluable. Not only can I use them for inspiration, I can
use them to communicate my concept to others. If there is a hairstyle I want
for a shoot, I just pull out a photo. That’s so much easier than explaining it to
a stylist! Or perhaps I have a particular concept in mind; instead of struggling
to explain it to my client, I show her a sample image to illustrate the direction
I want to take the shoot. Keep and organize tear sheets. They will save you time and inspire you.

Sometimes a particular location will inspire me for a shoot. A location may
encourage a certain composition, or it might have a particular time in history
that it reminds me of. For example, if there is a 1950’s diner in your area, you might be inspired to do a couple’s engagement session with a 1950’s theme.

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Or perhaps a rich, green forest will inspire you to do a bridal image with the
pure white dress against the bright green tones.
If a location inspires you to create a certain image, all you need to do is wait for
the right client to come around who fits that environment.
I had seen the falls in Figure 1.2 in my hometown and photographed them as
landscape photography. I knew that this would make a striking scene for a fashion
image, so when I found a bride willing to pose near them, I was able to catch this

Imaging for giving me a great deal of financial

As always, thank you to my parents and my sister. They always help me
get through the big changes in life and support me in overcoming any
obstacles that come my way. Whether helping me move between countries
and cities or just lending an ear, they are there in absolutely any way they can be.
Thank you to my best friend and boyfriend, Joel. He is a constant supporter, a
tireless assistant, and a great partner in life. He helps calm my soul and make
me feel like an incredible person. I wouldn’t be the same person without him.
A special thank you to Lisa Smith Craig, whose amazing styling has helped take
my photography to another level. She is a supportive and inspiring person, and
I’ve never met someone who works so hard but with such style and class. She
is a great partner in creativity.

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Thank you to Miller’s Professional Imaging for giving me a great deal of financial
and moral support during the year to teach on the topic of “Fashion Flair”
(and dozens of other topics) to thousands of photographers. You’ve really
helped my career grow. Thanks for believing in me.

Thank you to Karen, my fantastic editor. Editing a book can be less than enjoyable,
but her upbeat comments and constructive criticism helped make it
(almost) painless. Thank you to Jennifer Browning for creating the lighting diagrams used for this

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Thank you as well to my creative team members who helped with hair, makeup,
wardrobe, and modeling for many of the images in this book. For Figures 6.3, 6.4, 13.3, and 13.4, thank you to Hagan Linss (makeup), Leo Crews (hair), Q Models (subjects), and Lisa Smith Craig (styling). Those images also get the following clothing credits for the bride: Modern Trousseau (wedding gown), Christine Mighion (ring), Peggy Li (earrings), and Moschino (shoes).
For the groom, acknowledgments go to Perry Ellis (tuxedo, shirt, and tie),
Christine Mighion (ring), and Bruno Magli (shoes).